#WednesdayWoes – Matrimonial Ads And Their Otherworldly Demands

Turns out that 99.99% percent scores aren’t only required for admissions to top colleges in India. If you look at the matrimonial section of any newspaper you will see a similar trend amongst the requirements posted.

Men (or well, their families) are looking for a gorgeous, intelligent, well-educated-but-chooses-to-stay-at-home-and-look-after-the-kids type of wife.
Whereas the women? They seek the rich, the tall and handsome, preferably Ivy-league educated sons of the top industrialists in the country.

Floh might be one of the few places left to meet typical single people without the “otherworldly expectations” of arranged marriage auctions.

Let’s have a look at some of the common ads, made more honest:

Pure Veg Only Please:
Looking for a Purely Vegetarian Teetotaler Boy with penchant for vegetarian jokes. Must be god-fearing. Must not have any other bad habits. – pureveggroomsarebest@gmail.com

We believe in Kundli
High Kundli match sought for boy with very bright Kundli, Pandits have promised very bright future for our son after marriage. DOB 01/01/1985 time 12:00, place of birth: Ayodhya. Matches only with Points 33 and above will be considered. Please send birth details to sweetkundlimilan4life@gmail.com

IIT-IIM-IASshaadi.com
IIT/IIM/IAS/IFS/Judge/Governor/President of India/Other Top Position sought for beautiful convent educated girl MBA from SMU. Earning 7 figures without tax. IAS4daughter@gmail.com

Seeking bride cross between Aishwarya Rai and kaam wali bai:
Beautiful Bride sought with close resemblance to any current Bollywood actress (except Sonakshi Sinha). Should be homely and traditional in outlook and dressing. Must know how to cook and well versed in household chores. Send latest pictures to beautifulhomelybride4sunny@gmail.com

Marriage a Ticket to a Top Locality:
Looking for High Status Business Family, staying in Farmhouse or Posh locality, for our only daughter. Our daughter wants to settle only in top locality. Please send latest standing pictures of the boy and your properties, with google satellite map links to – veryverydecentmatch@gmail.com

Top Top Top Families only
Top High Status family, with high value assets all over Delhi, seeks equally high status family, very decent marriage guaranteed. Only top most business families with turnover of 50 cr. and above. Please send latest pictures of the boy to – veryverydecentmatch@gmail.com; service class please excuse.

Waiting for a Messiah:
Beautiful bride, 42, never married, seeks very handsome, top industrialist match, must be not married before, educated from top institutions in India or abroad. Net worth should be at least 1,000 crores and above. Must be from high caste and direct lineage of Shri Ram (the god), or else an avatar of a well-known god. Please email all complete details to godlygroom4pinky@gmail.com

Soft Homely Intellectual:
IIT/IIM graduate, handsome, tall seeks semi-working well-educated girl, intellectual enough to have stimulating conversations, but not brave enough to have a spine. Just the right combination of intelligence and submissiveness. Should be open to move abroad and manage household chores. Mail – iitiimgetbestbrides@gmail.com

Hair Cutting allowed only on selective body parts
Beautiful Sikh bride for Sikh Boy – cuts all hair, even down there, seeks non hair-cutting beautiful Sikh girl, we’re fine if she grooms hair on any other part of her body. Pls mail hairsareveryimportant@gmail.com

Virgin Pure
Handsome Boy, Columbia grad. in US for 10 years, seeks well qualified, well-traveled, VIRGIN match. Must hold US Visa. Should like to cook. We’re open minded, well-educated family. MUST BE VIRGIN. Please contact – coolcolumbiagrad@gmail.com

(Disclaimer: All email addresses above are fictional and so are the ads.)

As funny as these ads are, they are very close to the truth; and the worry is, these “great expectations” just might create a master race of ONLY tall, azure-eyed, pure vegetarian, Ivy league-educated, god-like men and women.

For the rest of us mere mortals, we’ll always have Floh.

***Post submitted by a Floh member.